The hilarious folks at The Onion couldn't have come up with satire this good. Lakers star Ron Artest is changing his name to Metta World Peace. Yes, you might recognize his "real" name. He's the basketball player more famous for brawling than balling, and he picked "World Peace." Again, The Onion did NOT make this up. But he's giving their kind some fantastic material.
"Metta" is a nod to the Buddhist virtue of kindness, and "world peace" needs no explanation. But now the Internet has to jive "Metta World Peace" with all those reports on Artest's violent behavior.
He might have a different name, but this IS still the guy who climbed into the stands during his days as an Indiana Pacer to fight with a FAN, prompting a 72-game suspension, the longest ever in NBA history. The same guy who clotheslined J.J. Barea during a game. The same guy who ... I could go on and on and on with the very NON-peaceful.
Folks, the headlines alone are going to be worth the name change (which is expected to come in late August after his court date) for the fans. Especially based on the explanation that "World Peace" will be his last name. So where he would traditionally be listed as Artest, you know, in headlines, in most sports stories, now it will just say "World Peace."
Confused? Let's take a look at what you'll be seeing on the sports pages, courtesy of Ron Artest, er, excuse me, Metta World Peace:
World Peace Blamed for Riot at LA's Staples Center Clippers Fan Taken to Hospital After Dangerous Encounter With World Peace World Peace Locker Room Rampage Caught on Video TMZ EXCLUSIVE: World Peace Mugshot Here!! (PHOTO) World Peace Tears Teammate to Pieces on Hardwood World Peace RetiresOh, I know I can't wait for this. These are the sports pages that will be frameable. Here's hoping Artest doesn't try to turn over a new leaf to match the new name!
Do you really see the Ron Artest who has stirred up the league with all that violent behavior suddenly becoming a guy who symbolizes World Peace on the court? Feel free to add your own headlines in comments!
Image via bridgetds/Flickr