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Being a newlywed is a special time. You've still got that fab bod you worked your butt off for to fit into your gown, and the tan to boot. You're getting laid on the regular. And you no longer have to listen to Great Aunt Fanny's rant about cows and free milk. But ladies who have recently been married, a word if I may?
I'm so happy for you!
But the world is pretty sick of you and your whole smug schtick.
Let me just come out and say it: you're annoying. Really. Freaking. Annoying.
Gasp! Could it be? Is this really what people think of you?
Short answer: probably.
Longer answer: there are a few of you out there who are A-OK, but most newly married people are bothering the pants out of their friends and family.
Not sure if you fit the profile? Let's just say if you do anything on this list, you are one of the "smug newlyweds" that tops the list of most annoying Facebook users ever:
1. You are giving out marriage advice. Hon, you've been married for seven minutes. Get back to us when you've survived the seven-year itch, and then we'll talk.
2. You're still updating your "wedding" Pinterest board. Yes, since you have "update to Facebook" checked, we can see that you're doing it. Enough already; it's OVER.
3. You used to start every sentence with "my fiance," but now you start it with "my husband." We get it; you're married. You can just refer to him as Bill, and we'll still know who you're talking about.
4. You've invited friends over to "check out the wedding album." Remember back in the '80s when your parents would have friends over to view the slides of your trip to the beach? You have become your parents.
5. You carry the wedding album WITH YOU. You have heard of Facebook, right?
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6. You complain about all the thank-you notes you have to write. Oh, poor you! All that free stuff is such a burden, isn't it?
7. You think it's just so amazing how your new husband loads the dishwasher, and you share the whole process in detail. So he's a modern man; he's not inventing the freakin' wheel here. Get back to us when you realize his poop really does stink like everyone else's (because, yes, one day you're going to walk into that bathroom and OMG).
8. You think you have the answers to every single girl's problems. Just because you've sealed the deal doesn't make you the Yoda of singledom.
9. From the way you talk, you have more sex in a week than Christian Grey has in a month. It's like that old adage, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, does it make a sound? If a newlywed has great sex and no one hears about it, did she still achieve orgasm? Why don't you test that one out for us?
What drives you up the wall about your newlywed friends?
Image by Jeanne Sager
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