Michelle Williams, how I love thee. And not just because you once complimented me for rocking the same short 'do. You are one of those celebrity moms who gets what life is like for those of us who don't make seven figures.
Rumor has it you, working mom of 6-year-old cutie Matilda, had your private plane spend an extra 90 minutes in the air just so you could get some much-needed sleep. That's what a "source" told Page 6, so I'll take it with a grain of salt, but it falls right in line with the Michelle Williams who I know started a yoga studio just for working single moms to get some relief from the hustle and bustle of daily life.
Honey, I get you. I really do. Our kids come first. We come somewhere after making sure their homework doesn't get eaten by the dog and somewhere before spritzing the couch with knock-off Febreze so it doesn't smell like said dog was sleeping on it (what your mother can't smell won't hurt her). And sure, you have a nanny (nannies), but we have two rather rambunctious 6-year-old daughters on our hands.
When we're not working (you shooting Oz: The Great and Powerful, me pounding out prose for The Stir), we spend every one of their waking moments trying to feed/clothe/educate them, and still have some snuggles! Which leaves the moments after they go to bed for doing all that fun stuff like paying the electric bill!
I have willingly sacrificed many things for my daughter: the ability to ever wear anything remotely revealing of my lower torso, the red and orange jellybeans ...
But the sleep thing has been the worst.
I used to enjoy those 10 a.m. lie-ins. Oh, who am I kidding, those noon lie-ins on a Saturday morning. I'm so addicted to my pillow that 90 minutes of wasted jet fuel doesn't really sound that extreme to me (well, maybe a wee bit) if it means some blissful, uninterrupted face-down drooling on the cotton time.
I would never survive being renditioned. A little sleep deprivation, and I'd be offering my left pinkie toe (complete with sparkly Kardashian nail polish), my first born, and all the secrets in my little head.
And so, Michelle, this is my gift to you. As people everywhere rush to judgment, I offer instead the many things I have done in order to sneak in a nap:
1. Turned On the TV. Because really, TV as babysitter is sometimes better than catatonic Mommy.
2. Faked It. Because the pitter patter of little footsteps doesn't sound as sweet at 3 a.m. when you know there's absolutely no reason Daddy can't get up and take them to pee.
3. Played Hide and Go Seek. A little tip, always, always, always choose to be the seeker.
4. Played Sick. This works better if yours is not the kid who thinks it's fun to play doctor, but faking a headache can at least keep the volume down as they Band-Aid your eyebrows.
Come on, spill, what have you done to catch some blessed shut-eye as a mom?
Image via Getty Images/Jemal Countess