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New and Improved Formula Might Be Just as Good as Breastmilk

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Post by Jeanne Sager

BottleLadies, may I have your attention please? I know what you're thinking. Another formula article? But wait! Don't despair!

We have another entry in the baby feeding wars, and this one may be a game changer. Scientists studying formula think they have found a simple fix to bring bottle-fed babies more in line with their breastfed peers.

Are you ready for this? They think they can add more of the amino acids lactating mamas make for their babies to the cow's milk stuff other moms choose to give their wee ones. See? Moms all on the same page, they're trying to feed babies the same thing. Winning!

But wait, there's more! If we take this study and put it into practice, we might just be able to kill the "fat" formula-fed baby debate for good. Phewww!

In an admittedly small study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition (there were just 30 families), scientists say they've been able to prove that formula that has extra glutamate keeps babies from "over-eating" from their bottles. Commonly found in abundance in breastmilk, there isn't as much of this building block of protein in cow's milk. But it seems this stuff could be what tells babies they're full and make them stop eating.

Wahoo!

Science has gone back and forth on formula and weight issues so much it was hard for us breastfeeding failures (raises hand), women who couldn't breastfeed, and women who just plain chose to go the formula route not to feel like we sucked (no pun intended). No mom wants to start their kid off on the path to childhood obesity from the get-go! But the researchers were spending so much time changing their minds that we had no definitive answers.

Now we have something fairly definitive that we can point to and say, yeah, there is a way to make this whole thing work!

It's definitely worth noting that this particular study was funded by a group that makes amino acids. But don't write it off right away. Researchers have been talking about the benefits of glutamate in breastmilk for years. It turns out the glutumate in breastmilk has been linked to receptors in the tongue and plays an important role in glucose production.

And since I'm all about trying to bring moms together, I need to point out again: this is good for the breastfeeding group too! Scientists are acknowledging the golden elixir coming out of your mammary glands really does rock. It's so awesome, in fact, that they are turning to what you make to improve the stuff other moms use.

So let's hear it for moms feeling good about themselves and (more importantly really in the scheme of things) good about what they're putting into baby's tummy, huh?

Does your baby ever overeat? How have you dealt with it?

 

Image via mll/Flickr


Brave Girl Lets Us Laugh at Her Hilarious Reaction to Dental Drugs (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Wisdom Teeth GirlTell the truth. Do you love to hate the parents who post embarrassing videos of their kids to YouTube? My friends, that ship has sailed. Introducing the world of mortifying viral videos posted for the world to mock ... by the kid!

This week's edition comes courtesy of YouTube user amcooksey, a teenager videotaped -- by her mom it seems -- after having her wisdom teeth removed. The drugs this girl was on inspired some David After Dentist-type hilarity ('memba him?), including her insistence that she is a wizard. Not just any wizard, mind, but one who attends the one and only Hogwarts!

But there's an important distinction between one of the most famous videos in YouTube history and this one.

Amcooksey uploaded this video herself, fully aware that the world would see her looking like a doofus (I mean that in the nicest of ways, I swear) and "remembering" that she is a student at Harry Potter's alma mater. She embarrassed herself. Not her parents. And I can't help loving her for it. Take a look:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Good on these parents! They left it up to their child to disseminate the hilarity rather than invite the Internet to make fun of their child at her expense. Add on top of that the fact that they have clearly raised a kid who has the self-assuredness to laugh at herself, and I'm calling it a bit of a parenting win. Heck, they even raised a wizard ... talk about magical parenting!

What hilarity of your kids' have you caught on camera, but decided to save until they can decide whether it's appropriate?

 

Image via amcooksey/YouTube

8-Year-Old Saves Friend's Life With Trick Every Kid Can Learn (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Samantha KelleyTake it from a mom who has been there: good playdate pals for your kids are hard to find. When you find one, you treat them like gold. So here's betting 8-year-old Samantha Kelley is quite in demand in her neighborhood.

The Washington girl realized her best buddy was choking on a slice of tangerine (score one for healthy playdate snacks!), and she sprung into action. Instead of calling for help -- which most kids would do -- Samantha gave her the Heimlich maneuver herself!

By the time Samantha's mom got into the room to help, the food had already been dislodged, and the other child was safe. What got me while watching video of the little girl showing off what she'd done on a teddy bear was just how little she is! And little Samantha has made it her mission to prove that kids as young as 4 years old can be taught how to save lives.

She's got a point. Pediatricians always warn that parents should be trained in first aid and CPR techniques so we can protect our kids, but how many of us actually pass on the knowledge? That should change. Now.

If you don't know how (shame, shame), there are plenty of YouTube videos nowadays that demonstrate the process correctly (here's one on performing the Heimlich on kids, and another on doing it for adults). Or call your kids over to check this little hero out in action to get inspired:

Got a kid who is as cool under pressure as little Samantha? You can also enroll your kids in a Red Cross-certified babysitting course that will cover a lot of the basics of emergency care. They usually start around age 11, but check around your neighborhood to see what other emergency organizations offer. There may be modified classes for kids.

What kind of first aid techniques have you taught your kids? How old were they when you started?


Image via King5

Discovery of Samantha Koenig's Body Justifies Our Fears (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Israel Keyes
If women went by statistics alone, we'd all feel safe walking the streets anywhere, anytime. Those statistics all show women are much more likely to be victimized by someone they know than a stranger. But then there are stories of women like barista Samantha Koenig, the Alaska woman kidnapped two months ago, that make it hard to find comfort in statistics.

Police say they found the 18-year-old barista's dead body in a lake this week, turning suspicions that she had been killed by the strange man who abducted her from the coffee stand where she worked into fact. The cops' chief suspect is a 34-year-old contractor named Israel Keyes, a man Koenig's family doesn't know, a man she doesn't seem to have known until that night. I imagine those "non-stranger" crime statistics are cold comfort for the Koenig family right now.

I know they're hardly comforting for me. I want to feel safe as a woman when I'm out and about, especially living in a rural community. But tragic stories like Koenig's, stories that even police admit are baffling because they are so random, are hard to shake.

I had her in mind just this past Sunday as I walked down a back road with my best friend only to spot a strange man walking a Corgi toward us. There was nothing specifically intimidating or threatening about him, but the first emotion that sprang up in me was fear. He was scary simply because he was a stranger. Here we were, two able-bodied, intelligent women, and there he was, an unknown quantity.

As it turned out, he was simply what he appeared, a man out walking his dog on the lovely back road where we had chosen to get a workout. When I got back in my car at the end of our walk that morning, I felt guilty for jumping so quickly into suspicious mode. But with the discovery of Koenig's body today, I'm feeling less guilty, more assured that my body is right to stiffen, to be wary of strangers, particularly strange men.

Statistics tell me not to. But statistics didn't save Samantha Koenig.

There's more on her story below. How does it make you think about going out around strangers?

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

 

'Teen Mom' Farrah Abraham Has a Spicy New Gig Lined Up (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Farrah Abraham SophiaShe's baaaaaaaack! And Farrah Abraham is not taking the news that Teen Mom has been cancelled sitting down. The single mom who managed to finish her culinary degree while filming the reality show has cooked up a new money-making venture to put food on the table for daughter Sophia.

The answer? Tomato sauce! Italian hot pepper sauce to be exact. If the tempers of the women involved in making it are a sign, it should be hot and spicy indeed!

Farrah has teamed up with none other than her mom Debra (as well as Sophia) to create Mom & Me Foods. Their first creation is something they're touting as a recipe brought to America by their Italian ancestors, and they promise it's chock-a-block with yummy veggies including hot banana peppers, tomatoes, onions, and garlic.

Mmm. Doesn't sound bad at all, honestly. I like a little kick to my red gravy. And they hit on a big trend in the market at the moment: in an ad Farrah and Debra created in an attempt to win a Wal-Mart-sponsored contest to get their food on grocery shelves nationwide (voting ends today), they say it's gluten-free. Smart marketing. 

Even smarter? Using adorable little Sophia in their "commercial." She's not a baby anymore, but she is absolutely adorable when she chows down on mama's eats. Just look:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

After fighting like, well, a teen mom and her daughter over the past few seasons, Farrah and Debra seemed to have moved past the really hard stuff, including charges of domestic violence. Going into business with one another is risky, but there are some people who swear that emotions go straight into the food -- and a heated relationship is perfect for a hot and spicy sauce. 

I guess we'll see if those on-screen therapy sessions are really working out and whether they'll make a go of it in the food biz. At least she's off her butt and doing something and not depending on MTV to keep providing for her child! I hope it works out for them.

What do you think is going to happen with this venture? Would you buy Farrah's food?

 

Image via Mom and Me Foods/YouTube

Levi Johnston vs. Sarah Palin: His Latest Shocker Steals Her Thunder ... Again! (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Sarah PalinPrepare the smelling salts. This liberal blogger is about to admit she kinda sorta feels bad for Sarah Palin today. I know! I know. But wait until you hear what Levi Johnston has done. Again. Just as Palin was invited to co-host the Today show.

Here it was, Palin's big week. It was her big chance to be a member of the lamestream media! And along comes the guy who could have been her son-in-law and steals her thunder all over again.

Palin put in an OK, if not entirely exciting, performance as a guest host on the NBC morning show. But the really big news of the day came from Johnston, whose 20-year-old preschool teacher girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, is reportedly pregnant. Wait. Didn't he do this before? Get a girl pregnant just as Mrs. Palin was about to stand out in the national spotlight?

I am not kidding when I say I feel bad for Palin. I didn't think she was worth the vice presidential nomination during the 2008 campaign, but it had little to do with Johnston getting her teenage daughter Bristol pregnant right before Sen. John McCain gave her a call. But what did we talk about ad infinitum? That's right: the baby in Bristol's belly and that baby daddy.

Now fast forward four years, and here we are again. Little baby Tripp is a toddler (already!?). Bristol and Levi are long-since done. And Palin had landed herself a gig that actually relates to what she went to college for (journalism, believe it or not). I don't think Palin was an inspired choice for Today to try to win the war for morning viewers, but at least she's become a figure of national prominence based on her own work. Johnston's become well known based on his own ... well, you know. Not exactly equal, folks!

Check out this look at Sarah on the Today show this morning and tell the truth ... do you feel like it's fair that she has to share the spotlight with this dude again?

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

When the Little Black Dress Is a Big, Fat Nightmare

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Post by Jeanne Sager

dressing roomThere are days I love my job because I get to do incredible things like walk the red carpet of Marvel's The Avengers for The Stir. And then there are the days I hate my job because I have to wear a dress to go walk the red carpet of Marvel's The Avengers for The Stir. Yes, I am one of those rare-found creatures otherwise known as the woman who hates to shop. We do exist!

Wait. I take that back. I love me some perusing of the wares at Tar-jay where I have been known to run in for a new curtain rod and walk out with a cartload of stuff that ran me three figures.

But clothes shopping fills me with the type of horror otherwise reserved for the following: rodents (especially rats), hair in deli sandwiches, and anything my dog yakked up.

If your first thought was "all of the above makes my stomach" turn, well, there you go. I hear "dress up," and my stomach begins to do barrel rolls. When my friend greeted my red carpet news with the "oooh, shopping, yay!" excitement typical for women my age, I burst into tears. Literally.

And through them I had to admit, my relationship with clothing is limited to a devotion to over-sized hoodies and jeans -- both of which I buy in the men's section. In part it's my odd proportions. I have child-bearing hips and the belly pooch that comes with a desk job (and laziness, I'll admit it!). But they're ill-matched with a flat chest and large, Germanic shoulders. If it's big enough to accommodate the shoulders, chances are there isn't enough cleavage to fill it out. And if it's small enough for these teeny tatas, well, you can guess the rest.

In this sense, I'm not that far off the mark for womankind. As many as 47 percent of women will cop to struggling when it comes to finding clothes that flatter their bodies (without looking like something their Great Aunt Edna would wear). In that sense, they hate it too.

But if I have to be completely honest, this isn't just about my body. I could be a size 2 with big bosoms -- OK, no, I couldn't ... ever, at least not without work, but you get my point -- and I'd still walk around the store looking clueless until someone with a clue about fashion swooped in to save me.

I am a woman who simply doesn't know what to wear, when to wear it, or where to wear it for that matter. Until this red carpet event cropped up (and since my bosses are reading this, I should mention I am super, super psyched ... other than the whole dress part of it!), I never even considered buying such wardrobe staples as "the little black dress" or even a pair of strappy heels (the former is winding its way to me thanks to some serious cyber hand-holding through the purchase process by The Stir editor Sasha, who likewise found the appropriate blazer for a chic event on a chilly NY night). Nor do I own the classic black tank top. Or the white button down.

Fashion is my nightmare. And I am the fashion industry's nightmare.

What do you hate about clothes shopping? Any tips to get me through this whole thing?

 

Image via PinkMoose/Flickr

Kids Ask the Craziest Questions -- And Now You Can Get the Answers! (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Question KidIt's the lament for the ages. Why are our kids always asking why? Honestly, we can't answer that (well we can, but that would take too long). But CafeMom Studios has done one better. They have the answers to their questions.

That's right. There's a new YouTube show called Your Kids Asked What?!? because we have all been there, standing in the grocery store, when the kid asks something so off the wall, out of the blue, out in left field, that you are left looking like a fish with that flopping chin. You don't have to be that mom anymore.

Just wait until you get a load of the question that spurred their first episode. Hint: what functions fascinate kids like none others?

If you guessed bodily ones, well, duh. You have kids. Poop and pee are the name of the game (and if you don't believe me, maybe a look at what parents confess to have Googled to answer their kids' questions will help you!). So, without further ado, how do astronauts go to the bathroom in space:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Oh. Thank goodness. Now I know! And you're bookmarking this one for when this question comes, aren't you? I can do you one better -- you can subscribe to the video feed so you have a steady roll of answers for their crazy questions.

What is the craziest one your kids have come up with?

 

Image via CafeMomStudios/YouTube


Hilary Duff Shows Off Her New Baby Boy the Right Way (PHOTO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Hilary Duff sonHilary Duff has just learned an important lesson of motherhood. The new mom of baby Luca Cruz spent yesterday tweeting photos of her scrumptious son. Naturally, the world could not get enough of that ooey gooey ovary-flipping goodness. 

And therein lies the lesson, ladies and, well, ladies. Baby photos are exempt from the braggy mom trap. Because nothing, not nobody, not know how, can stop us from melting when we see an itty bitty baby foot.

Think about it for a second! Am I right, or what? You see that delicious little one, and you have no choice. The goofy smile spreads across your face, and you are a goner.

Hilary's kid got the attention because she's a celebrity, sure, but you don't have to be a Lizzie McGuire fan to be lured in by the promise of a cute baby. I've been the mom doing this to people. I'll admit it. It doesn't help that I actually make a portion of my living AS a photographer, which means my daughter has been one of the most photographed children on the planet. For awhile there, I was emailing out a photo a week (OK,  maybe a day?) to my close friends and family.

I stopped when I realized it might be a bit (a lot?) too much. And I apologized. A lot. Another lesson for you proud mamas!

Hilary had the grace to be humble about this too -- another important step around the braggy mom trap. In the midst of her tweeting, she admitted:

Oh no! The flood gates have opened! Proud mamma on the loose!i can't help myself..

Sigh. Yeah, sometimes you just can't help yourself. Good thing those cuties are hard to resist! But beware moms, this phase will end. No one wants a photo a day of your toddler potty training. Trust me.

What have you been doing with the oodles of pictures you're taking of your cutie?

 

Image via Splash News

Is Obama Plotting Chelsea Clinton's Murder? -- No Harm in Asking, Right?

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Heather Childers TweetOf all the insane conspiracy theories that have been floated about President Barack Obama, the allegations that he was involved in a plot to murder Chelsea Clinton has to be one of the most vicious. It's the kind of thing that makes me feel dirty just writing about. So why Fox News anchor Heather Childers was comfortable tweeting about it is ... well, it's confusing, frankly. But it doesn't make her a monster.

Childers' tweet linked out to a story about the supposed plan to keep Hillary and former President Bill Clinton "quiet" about some big Obama secret on Godfather Politics. She prefaced it simply with the word "Thoughts?"

Not surprisingly, a woman who is supposed to be a "straight news" anchor for the "fair and balanced" TV channel is ducking for cover this morning from the onslaught of criticism. She's even turned her Twitter to "protected," and some folks are saying she needs to be fired. But is it really fair to pick on her? Really?

I'm going to come right out and say the Godfather piece is trash. It's another attempt to smear the president on the so-called "birther" issue, which was long ago put to rest with the release of his long-form birth certificate.

I won't even link to it because I'd prefer not to give them the pageviews. By putting the link out there, tied to her famous name, Childers gave it gravitas. She helped spread the insanity. That was a mistake.

But here's what Childers did right. She didn't say she agreed with them. She did what journalists do every day in interviews: she asked what other people thought. Look, here is the exact wording of her tweet:

Thoughts? Did Obama Campaign Threaten Chelsea Clinton's Life 2 Keep Parents Silent?

Notice the question marks, folks. She posed this as a question, not fact. And she solicited other people's opinions.

It probably would have been smarter if Childers had read the post and moved on without Tweeting it. But as far as her integrity as a journalist goes, look at the job description. Reporters ask questions. That's the job, folks.

What would you have done in Heather Childers' situation?

 

Image via Twitter

A Letter to the Mom I'll Be in 10 Years

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Jeanne Sager
It seems like ever since I birthed a girl child, I've been getting warnings (mostly unsolicited) that the teen years are going to be hell on earth. The way I see it, I have two choices. I can put up an ad on Craigslist that announces a kid for sale and let the offers roll in (ahem, that's a joke oh interwebs) or I can tell the naysayers where they can shove it. 

Attention y'all. I am choosing option two. I am terrified as all get out, but I refuse to believe that this is an impossible task. Hey, I WAS a teenage girl once. And sitting here, with my 6-year-old safely ensconced in first grade, I have time to think this thing through. I have time to plan what kind of mother of a teenage girl I want to be.

And so here it is: all the advice I have for the mom I will be (or hope to be anyway) when my daughter is a teenager:

1. Makeup washes off. Tattoos do not. Pick your battles.

2. When she is learning to drive, the volume you use to correct her directly equates to the amount of pressure she puts on the gas pedal. If she's going too fast toward that pylon, perhaps screeching at the top of your lungs may not be your best option. Just sayin'.

3. The best way to make sure a boyfriend respects your rules is to show him a little respect. Invite him over. Get to know him before you judge him. Don't make him the enemy. Unless you actually want him to help your daughter sneak out and break curfew?

4. There is only one bathroom in this house. Make a schedule, in writing, and stick to it.

5. You know how you like to relax on a Friday night after a long week at work? Homework can wait until the morning. Really.

6. The doctor is a professional or you would not be using him (or her) as your family's primary care provider. It's perfectly OK for the two of them to be alone together. If you don't think she'll remember to tell him about your family's history of diabetes, give her a note. Whatever you do, do not go in that room unless she asks for you!

7. Abstinence is nice. Not being a grandmother before your kid graduates from high school is nicer. TALK about birth control, and make sure she can get a hold of some if and when the time comes (it's OK to stress that that time should be later rather than sooner).

8. When you want to tell her he's bad news, pop a piece of gum in your mouth and chew until the flavor's gone. If you still think this warning is necessary after that amount of time has passed, THEN you may say it. Her first heartbreak is going to happen sooner or later. It's better if she's still living under your roof when it happens; she's easier to hug that way.

9. Kissing does not necessarily mean sex.

10. She's right. Only dorks and losers have an 8:30 curfew.

11. Don't expect her to believe you when you say she's beautiful, but say it anyway. Remind your husband to do the same.

12. Let Daddy take her shopping. They'll spend more, but the hemlines will probably be longer.

13. You may be content in a hoodie and jeans. She doesn't have to be.

14. Extra holes in her ears are better than a trip to the ER to deal with the oozing, pussy result of a sleepover belly button piercing.

15. Depressing music doesn't mean she's suicidal.

16. No argument ever got better after the words "you look at me when I'm talking to you" were uttered.

17. The more time you spend tracking her every move, the more ways she'll find to get around being tracked.

18. An automatic no to something expensive and unnecessary doesn't do anyone any good. Throw $10 in a Mason jar and tell her it's a start; she can save for the rest. Either she'll save until she gets it, and she will at least have earned it or she'll see it's expensive and unnecessary. Finance lesson learned.

19. Babysitting is a job.

20. If she's pulling all A's in every single subject but one, there's a reason for it: the people who are stars at everything are usually really boring.

21. Don't say "I won't be mad" unless you mean it.

22. "It's our secret" means you don't tell her grandmother.

23. A 2 a.m. phone call from a slurring teenager is better than a 2 a.m. knock at the door from a sober-faced police officer.

24. You don't like it when she steals your shoes. Don't take hers without asking.

25. She's right. There are boys who are friends and boys who are boyfriends. They're not always the same thing.

What would you add to this list?

 

Image by Jeanne Sager

Father Accused of Drowning Wife May Be Doing the Unspeakable to His Daughter

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Post by Jeanne Sager

courtDid you ever read a story and think: this is a lose-lose situation? Nothing good can come of it? That's the best that can be said for the case of Kleber Cordova, the father accused of drowning his wife in the family bathtub while their then 8-year-old daughter watched.

See, right now, Kleber is merely accused. We don't know if he's guilty or innocent. But if a jury declares him innocent, that means that Cordova's defense attorney was successful in convincing a jury that the now-12-year-old girl is a dirty rotten liar.

See what I mean about lose-lose?

Either he's a murderer or she lied to a jury about watching him kill her mother. Not a good situation for this family at all.

I guess there really is no good resolution to a murder case. Someone is always dead at the end. But the New Jersey case is complicated by the age of the prosecution's witness. At 8 years old, the girl apparently told cops that Cordova was trying to "help" his 26-year-old wife, Eliana Torres, out of the water but couldn't do it. But she's been in court in recent days testifying the opposite. She says she actually watched the horrific murder of her own mother.

Prosecutors say the story has changed because she's no longer under the thumb of the father who (they say) manipulated her into defending him. That makes good sense to me. But here's the thing: let's say it's true. Then Kleber Cordova is a bad guy in a huge, horrible, criminal kind of way. 

But, but, but, maybe it's false. OK. Let's say it's not true. Then Kleber Cordova just allowed his defense attorney to rip his own daughter to shreds in a public courtroom. Which makes him ... wait for it ... a bad dad. A dad who would be fighting for his freedom, but still, a dad who let his daughter hang out to dry.

What would be the best outcome here? Is there any way to tell?

 

Image via Keith Burtis/Flickr

'Teen Mom' Is Just More Proof Boys Have It Too Easy

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Chelsea Houska Adam LindIf you've ever watched one of MTV's Teen Mom episodes and felt like it was an advertisement for a certain IUD, you're not alone. If you made a drinking game out of the number of times girls mention their preferred birth control on one of their "check-ins" with Dr. Drew, you'd be good and drunk by the end of the show. Take a shot every time the guys bring up prevention methods, on the other hand, and you'd be pretty sober. 

Why is that? Blogger Gino Feretti calls the plea for celibacy by girls at the end of each 16 and Pregnant episode "MTV’s brackish continuum of failing teen fathers" because the new moms are doing all the work, and it's always directed at the girl viewers at home. I'll see his argument. And I'll up the ante.

MTV isn't just failing teen boys. They're failing teen girls. And so are parents across America.

There's an emphasis on getting our daughters to take the birth control pill or shoving an IUD up where the sun don't shine. Girls can walk into Planned Parenthood and chat up a gyno and walk out with a prescription or a fistful of condoms.

What do teen boys have? Where are the PSAs telling them that it takes two to tango? Where is the affordable health care provider with that baggie of condoms?

Thanks to the pharmaceutical industry, the onus for sexually active couples to remain baby-free lies largely on female shoulders. Boys can't get an IUD, take a pill, or get a shot. And of course, as we all know, they can't get pregnant.

It's the latter fact that seems to set the minds of parents of boys, producers at MTV, health industry workers at ease. Why think about them? We don't have to worry about them getting knocked up!

And we wonder why statistics show teen fathers are unlikely to stick around, even though teen boys are more likely to have initiated the sex that created the baby in the first place. Society has given them a pass from the get-go. Sure, maybe Dad slapped them on the back and said, "Son, you gotta wrap that sucker." But compare that to the barrage of information out there, the resources out there, for our girls. The message is pretty clear: society has also told our girls, our DAUGHTERS, that they are responsible for her actions and his.

I can't help thinking of the burden of being an older child, always told "but you should have known better" when parents dole out a lighter punishment for the younger sibling. Our teenage boys aren't being given the tools to ensure they'll help prevent a pregnancy because society says our girls "should have known better." And her punishment is tenfold what his will be.

MTV's Teen Mom and its sister show 16 & Pregnant are only part of the problem, although watching the likes of Chelsea Houska's boyfriend make his booty calls without a single repercussion certainly doesn't help matters. We need a reboot of the entire teen pregnancy prevention process, and we need it now. There are two people who make a baby, there should be two people responsible for preventing one.

What can be done to help make this an equal burden on our teenage boys and our teenage girls?

 

Image via MTV

Baby's Rare Disease Mimics Child Abuse and Devastates Family

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Post by Jeanne Sager

baby feetNobody likes to be accused of something they didn't do. My 6-year-old gets mighty indignant when I point the finger at her for something the dog was responsible for (or at least she says it was the dog). So imagine the false accusation was child abuse. And it was levied at you.

Even in the context of a hypothetical, the thought makes me angry. But for William and Tiffany O'Shell, this wasn't a hypothetical. Their sweet baby girl Alyssa had been taken away and placed in a foster home because X-rays found 11 broken bones in her 3-month-old body. Only it wasn't child abuse ravaging her body. It was a rare disease.

Spinal muscular atrophy eventually killed little Alyssa O'Shell in October 2008. But four months earlier, burdened by the accusation that he was the type of evil creature who beats an innocent baby, her dad had killed her mom and then himself.

The story is back in the headlines this week as Tiffany O'Shell's family fights with child protective services to admit they were wrong and change their practices to prevent future tragedies. And it's put a new spin on the mommy wars. Why do we fight so much? Because the job of raising and protecting a human being is a privilege and being called a bad parent is a hurt that cuts deeper than any insult.

I want to be clear here. I mean no disrespect to those who choose to be child-free. But even they were raised by people who had an incredible responsibility. They -- we -- were sent home from the hospital with a little person who was completely unable to fend for themselves. This isn't a goldfish that can die and be flushed down the toilet, replaced with an identical fish before the kids wake up.

This is a human being, and what's more, we created this human being. We are to blame for putting them on this planet, knowing full well that they would be dependent on us. It's a job you sign up for knowing full well you can never quit.

Now imagine yourself in William O'Shell's shoes. You have done everything right. You are a loving, giving, devoted parent. And not only is there something wrong with this precious person, but people think you did it, that you brought this life into this world and then did the unthinkable. You failed.

The O'Shell murder-suicide was a horrible tragedy. But I don't know a parent out there who can't understand why it happened.

What is the worst thing you have been accused of doing to your kids?

 

Image via Jen and Jim S/Flickr

11-Year-Old Girl Who Gave Birth Is Not Normal

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Post by Jeanne Sager

pregnancy testIf there was ever a sentence that made me want to throw up my hands and scream "what is the world coming to!?" this is it. An 11-year-old girl has reportedly given birth in a hospital in Colombia. Eleven!

I was still playing with LEGOs at 11, and here this kid is a mother. Get that? Not just an 11-year-old having sex, but an 11-year-old who had a living, breathing human being cut out of her uterus by doctors performing a C-section.

O. M. G. This is me, hyperventilating. So I'm going to go ahead and talk myself -- and you -- off the ledge.

Because I really can't deal with the thought of my beautiful, smart, funny 6-year-old being a mother anytime in the next decade (or two), I'm going to put this story in context for everyone who will be freaking out about this on the interwebs for the next week or so.

This is not normal. At least not here in the United States. Yes, the age that girls are hitting puberty, and thus able to become pregnant, is dropping. But the average age for first intercourse for American girls is 17.4. For boys, it's still a fairly respectable 16.9. Only a quarter of teenagers report having had sex by age 15.

In Colombia, where this girl gave birth, the numbers are different. It's sad and heartbreaking. But it's also a different culture. This girl in particular is a member of the Wayuu tribe, an indigenous group that lives apart from much of Colombian society. Their way of life is not something you expect to see mirrored in an average American household, so grouping your kids in with her is unrealistic and unfair.

Our daughters -- and our sons, ahem -- have us. I don't mean to sound culturally insensitive, but I dare say we are better role models, or at least place more value on the sanctity of childhood here in America.

Also good to note? The average age of a first-time mother in the United States is now around 25 years old. There are some extremely young kids who get pregnant, tragically, but it's a blip on the radar screen.

And now for the really super, duper good news. A gazillion researchers have found there's a direct correlation between kids having a good, honest, open relationship with their parents and the age of first intercourse. If kids feel they can trust you, they're likely to put it off.

In other words: by being freaked out by this 11-year-old new mother and wanting to do something about it? You're already on the right track to making sure it's not your kid freaking us out next.

When do you plan to start having these talks with your kids?

 

Image via janineomg/Flickr


Mom Explains Why 11-Year-Olds With Autism Are Real Heroes (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Ian JorglSydnee Jorgl's hero isn't a politician or a celebrity. The New York City mom's hero is an 11-year-old boy with autism: her son, Ian. Born with what some would call a disability, he is doing amazing things with his life by waking up every morning and coping in a world where he doesn't fit the mold.

Ian is like thousands of kids with special needs, and thanks to families like the Jorgls, America is getting a look-see inside their worlds. They're the new stars of Our Special Life, CafeMom Studios' tribute to these amazing little heroes. First up? Ian Jorgl, of course:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

I don't know about you, but I think Sydnee makes a perfect first pick for this series. As she says, there are so many of these kids, and spreading the word about what their lives are like is the first step in creating a world where they can co-exist with their peers. She may not have expected to have to be an advocate for her child, but Jorgl is doing it masterfully. My hat is off to her, and of course to adorable Ian (and his equally adorable twin brother!).

Want to keep up with these incredible heroes? You can subscribe to Our Special Life on YouTube.

What part of Sydnee Jorgl's story rang true for you?

 

Image via CafeMom Studios/YouTube

Serial Killer Who Bragged About Killing Kids Can't Be Executed Fast Enough

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Post by Jeanne Sager

David GoreFeeling conflicted about the death penalty? Then David Alan Gore won't make you feel much better. The convicted serial killer is on a fast train to execution right now, and it's his own fault.

He's spent the last five years writing letters (now published in a book) bragging about how he raped and killed four teenagers and two adult women some 30 years ago in Florida. Bragging!? Now people, I am about as liberal as they come. I have let my gay male buddy take my then-toddler daughter into a bathroom alone. I have friends who have had abortions, and I don't judge them one bit.

By that rubric, I'm supposed to hate the death penalty. But when it comes to David Alan Gore, I have three words for you.

Kill the bastard.

Yeah. That's right. You read that right. Liberal blogger me has admitted she's OK with Republican Governor Rick Scott's decision to sign off on Gore's death warrant and send him to be killed by the state on April 12. Do not pass go, do not go to jail (well, OK, he's already there), do not get some last minute reprieve from a judge.

You'll have to forgive me. I just read that a man thinks that killing innocent children is something to brag about. Some would say my flip flop on the death penalty in this case makes me a bad person. I'd say it makes me human to feel for the kids first.

It's a marker of just how far society has fallen in the hottest movie of the moment, The Hunger Games, that the people sacrificed for sport are kids, sent to fight to their death while people place bets. Protecting our kids is a cornerstone of our society, it's a sign that there is still hope and good in this world.

So go ahead, say we're better than David Alan Gore, that we should rise above. I want to. I know I should. But today, I just can't.

How about you? What do you think should happen to a man who brags about killing and raping children?


Slimy Tucker Max and Planned Parenthood Don't Belong in Bed Together

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Tucker MaxMisogynist extraordinaire Tucker Max has a problem. He's trying to backpedal his way out of a quagmire of his own making with Planned Parenthood. But he keeps tripping over "fat chicks" he's mocked and the thousands of women he's screwed, and screwed over, in recent years.

See, according to a Forbes article that Max himself has termed "the most factually accurate article about this," the author of such classy tomes as I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was going to get slammed with some serious taxes if he didn't give money to charity. So when article author and Max's PR strategist Ryan Holiday suggested he donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood, he was all "hell yeah."

But then Planned Parenthood shot him down cold, ostensibly because they don't approve of a guy who wrote the book on degrading women. No, wait, wrote several of the books on how to be a complete creep to womankind (one friend likened reading Beer to the feeling you have after eating six donuts. In a row). And now Max wants us to believe that he was just trying to be such a goshdarned nice guy and give this money out of the goodness of his heart.

As he says in a blog post yesterday:

This was not about my image: Some people have tried to say this about me “rehabbing my image” by using PP. That’s comical bullshit.

Which would be a lot easier to believe if, in the same exact blog post, Max had not linked to Holiday's aforementioned Forbes article and (again, Max said this not me) referred to it as "factually accurate." Because in that article, Holiday had this to say as he slammed Planned Parenthood (emphasis ours):

As a marketer, it was one of the stupidest and most depressing things I’ve ever seen. This would have been a win-win-win-win situation. Cut a check, keep a clinic open. Rehabilitate some of Tucker’s PR. Reduce a tax burden. Encourage other donors. And most importantly: Help women keep access to vital reproductive services.

What? What's that? Can we get a look back at those words? Did someone say Planned Parenthood could "rehabilitate some of Tucker's PR" if they took his money? Why yes! Yes they did! And since Max himself says that's accurate, well gosh darnit, it looks like he was looking to rehab his image after all. Comical bullshit indeed.

Now here's something really comical. Max is still trying to say this would help out Planned Parenthood:

I offered real money that PP could really use, there was no ruse or stunt involved. I’ve been pro-choice my whole like, I used the services of PP when I was poor and got help from them, I believe in their mission and I believe in universal access to family planning services. I’ve ALWAYS believed in those principles, and this was a sincere attempt to cut Planned Parenthood real check.

For a guy who is all about helping them there folks at Planned Parenthood so much, he doesn't seem to give two craps about what a donation from a guy like him would actually do the organization. Sure, it might keep a clinic open.

But then again, coming off the recent tangling with the Susan G. Komen Foundation, which lost a lot of donors when it pulled funding for mammography, folks at Planned Parenthood are highly aware that one decision can set off a tidal wave. Taking Tucker's money means being yoked to his misogynist image, which means potentially losing the many, many, many (you know what, just imagine 100 more manys in there) donors who find his base treatment of women reprehensible.

Not to mention Planned Parenthood has worked hard to establish that abortions provided by some of its clinics are important, sometimes life-saving services for women. Tying itself to Max, who has had a major motion picture made about his promiscuity, means playing right into the hands of evangelical Republicans who have tried to brand the organization as a place that uses abortions as birth control for frivolous sluts.

Planned Parenthood may have had to close to a Texas clinic because it didn't take Tucker Max's dirty money. But turn off the fountain of money from loyal donors, further enrage the far right, and they could be faced with closing dozens. If he cared about the organization and not his image, Max wouldn't be backpedaling right this second.

Put yourself in Planned Parenthood's shoes: what would you do?

 

Image via Getty Images/Toby Canham

'Teen Mom' Stars' Boob Jobs Are None of MTV's Business

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Jenelle EvansWellllll, this is a first. Rumor has it MTV has decided to ban future boob jobs for the stars of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2. Coming on the heels of rumors that Jenelle Evans is going in for a fake set of twins, it's got just enough possibility to it that I could see it happening. But that doesn't mean it should.

Yes, I just came down on the side of letting these girls have their breast enhancement surgeries. But let's just clear one thing up right now: I don't think they should have plastic surgery. I just don't think MTV gets to say what these girls do with their own bodies.

Because they are still the girls' bodies, correct? I mean, they've been a nice meal ticket for the producers since 16 & Pregnant first aired, but they only sold their kids' childhoods and their privacy for money that, admittedly, they wouldn't otherwise have to feed and clothe their kids. They didn't sell their skin and souls.

The story is MTV has gotten sick of the "sexed-up" image that the girls are developing in the tabloids. They want to bring things back down to the much more wholesome level of 16-year-olds who have unprotected sex! Oh thank you for that MTV, that was the best laugh I've had in weeks!

There isn't a person alive who thinks Jenelle Evans and Amber Portwood will be role models just as long as they keep the doctors from slipping silicone into their chests. That ship has sailed my dears. We watch the Teen Mom shows for a "what not to do" warning for our teenagers, not to get tips on how to raise a great kid.

If these girls want to waste their money on breast augmentation instead of putting it away for orthodontia and college for their kiddos, they're foolish. But that's none of MTV's business.

Where do you think the line ends over what MTV can and cannot tell these girls to do?

 

Image via MTV

'Parenthood's' Monica Potter Takes Her Role in Autism Awareness Seriously

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Post by Jeanne Sager

Monica PotterAutism now affects 1 out of every 88 kids in America. They are everywhere, and that includes prime time TV. Every week Monica Potter plays Kristina Braverman, mom of a child whose Asperger's diagnosis in the pilot of Parenthood rocked her family and made the nation stand up and pay attention to how special needs kids are being treated on television.

In time for Autism Awareness Month, The Stir sat down with Monica to find out what it's like to be a voice for moms of kids on the spectrum. She let us in on what's next for her on-screen son Max if (her words, but we're saying when!) Parenthood is picked up for another season by NBC.

The real-life Potter isn't that much different the working mom she plays on TV. Both have three kids -- Potter is mom to Daniel, Liam, and Molly -- and both struggle to find a balance between work and home.

"I just can't go for a haircut and then take pictures of my haircut, and then Facebook about my haircut!" Potter admitted, marveling at the celebrity moms who seem to have it all, and a social media account to track it! She's too busy trying to figure out mom challenges like finding a movie that will appeal to 17-year-old Liam and not be inappropriate for 6 1/2-year-old Molly, or teaming up with Kellogg's to fight childhood hunger.

But her biggest challenge at work? Learning about autism. "I'm learning with Kristina," she confessed.

Although in part Potter says she knew little about the disorder simply because none of her kids are on the spectrum, she wanted to give authenticity to the role of a mom struggling to make sense of this new world of parenting a child with autism. Like most parents, Kristina and Adam Braverman didn't know what to do when the diagnosis came. Potter wanted America to know how confusing this is for parents.

It's worked.

When we asked her what kind of feedback she gets about her character from the general public, she laughed. "They say I'm too nosy!" she admitted. The autism community, on the other hand, has welcomed her with open arms.

Potter credits the show's creators for ensuring the story told on screen is a realistic recreation of the life of a family with a kid with Asperger's. It's a real story because it's their story. Executive producer Jason Katims' son has Asperger's.

"This isn't someone saying this is what we think autism is like," Potter points out.

And it's not something the cast of Parenthood simply milks for viewers. Each year, Potter and her cast mates take part in fundraisers for national non-profit Autism Speaks (expect the team at Autism Speaks' 10th Anniversary Los Angeles Walk Now at the Rose Bowl later this month) where they walk to raise money to fund the research that will hopefully help these kids in the future.

The future of kids with autism is something Potter thinks about a lot. Watching these kids grow, wondering how those who are consider "high functioning" like TV-son Max, she says she'd like to see Parenthood run for another decade so they can begin to address some of the even bigger issues for parents of children on the spectrum. "What's it going to be like for these kids to date, for him to get a job?" she ponders.

In fact -- mini-spoiler here -- that's likely the next "big thing" to hit the Adam and Kristina sector of the Braverman family. As if a new baby (Potter confessed she's still carrying 10 pounds from her TV pregnancy because she ended up using the fake belly as a food tray just like real preggos do!) and a teenager headed to college weren't enough, it looks Kristina will be struggling with a son with autism hitting the teen years with the same hunger for independence as his peers. Watch out!

What do you think Parenthood has done right in telling the story of parenting a child on the spectrum?

 

Image Kellogg's/Alex Della Gatta/AP

 

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