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​Dad Told His Wife Should Have C-Section So He Doesn't Miss Work

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

dad holding baby's handAll right Mom, picture this: you're pregnant, and your husband comes to you and says, "You know, you need to schedule a C-section so this baby doesn't make me miss work." You'd be insulted, right? Livid? Well that's exactly what a bunch of sportscasters are suggesting should have happened in the case of New York Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy and his wife.

Murphy took paternity leave this week to be with his wife, Tori, and their newborn son, Noah, missing several games this week, including the all-important Opening Day. And the response from sportscasters -- big names from Boomer Esiason to Mike Francesa -- has been like something out of the dark ages.

Take this from Esiason: 

I would have said C-section before the season starts; I need to be at opening day ... this is what makes our money, this is how we're going to live our life, this is going to give my child every opportunity to be a success in life.

And this gem from his radio show partner, Craig Carton:

You get your ass back to your team and you play baseball.

Then there's Francesa, who had this to say about Murphy's paternity leave on his own show on WFAN:

One day I understand. And in the old days they didn’t do that. But one day, go see the baby be born and come back. You’re a Major League Baseball player. You can hire a nurse to take care of the baby if your wife needs help.

Steam coming out of your ears yet?

The fact of the matter is, Murphy actually only gets three days of paternity leave under the collective bargaining agreement made by the players union with Major League Baseball. It's not enough ... and yet it's better than what most of us get.

Dads are eligible for 12 weeks of time off under the federal Family Medical Leave Act, but in most states, that is completely unpaid. That means many fathers are already facing the hard decision of being there for his wife and child in a physical sense -- when both need him -- or going to work to be "there" for them in a breadwinner sense.

Unfortunately when a man like Murphy, who actually has a rather advantageous set-up -- at least compared to most other men in America -- takes advantage of paternity leave, only to be criticized, a dangerous message is being sent to American politicians and companies. Basically corporations are getting a pat on the back and being told, "Hey, it's OK not to do anything for fathers! These men don't need it! Their wives just need to plan C-sections, putting baby in danger to make sure Daddy gets to work on time!"

I wish I were overstating things.

But this is the state of things in America. REAL paternity leave (and by that I mean leave that is both paid for and supported by employers) is rare ... and when available treated as a luxury by those who fail to recognize the true benefits of time off for a father after a baby's birth.

It isn't just about seeing his child born; it's about helping, really helping, about giving a mother the support she needs to successfully initiate breastfeeding and to stave off -- or at least notice -- postpartum depression. If NOTHING else, when there are two parents splitting the duties, the sleep deprivation of those early days -- while still an issue -- becomes less, leading to a healthier mother who, in turn, is more emotionally and physically able to care for her child.

What's troubling to me isn't just what Esiason, Francesa, and others have said about Murphy but that they are not alone. This is not simply an old boys' club mentality.

When my husband took time off for our daughter's birth, the only reason he was paid was because he used up his year's entire allotment of vacation time from his employer. He could have taken more -- legally -- but again, it would have been unpaid, and since I wasn't pulling a salary for my six weeks of maternity leave, and we had to pay for diapers and onesies and all that jazz, that simply wasn't an option. 

So he lost time with me and with his daughter because of our country's outdated rules ... and and yet, I also recall people at my husband's job getting angry that he dared take the time off to be with me, to the point where he actually went into work mid-paternity leave to work a day for the woman who had been throwing the biggest s--t fit of all over the fact that I dared inconvenience her by going eight days past my due date (surprise, surprise, she was planning a wedding).

It's been nearly nine years since that happened, and I would have thought that things would get better, that people would understand that men taking paternity leave aren't just inconveniencing the world but actually doing the right thing by their wives and babies. But apparently some things never change.

How will your birth affect your husband's job? Do you really care?

 

Image via Robert Freiberger/Flickr


Fort Hood Hero Who Stopped Shooter Is the One We Should Be Talking About

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

fort hoodThere is a lot of talk today about Ivan Lopez, the soldier who has been identified as the suspect in the mass shooting at Fort Hood on Wednesday afternoon. His name is bound to remain in the press for days -- maybe even weeks to come. But I'm not here to talk about the Fort Hood shooter. I'm here to talk about the Fort Hood hero ... or one of them anyway.

She's a member of the military police, a female MP who came face-to-face with a mass murderer armed with a .45 Smith & Wesson and put an end to the shooting spree. Calling her a hero is not overstating it. Lt Gen Mark A. Milley, the head of the Killeen, Texas Army base, himself used the word.

"It was clearly heroic, what she did," we heard Milley say in a briefing for the press, "exactly what we would expect from a United States military police."

Expectation or not, what this unidentified officer did surely stopped a massive tragedy from being tragic on an even greater scale.

So why talk about her right now? Why not dissect the story of the shooter?

Well, because this is a sad week for America. People died at Fort Hood this week, innocent folks gunned down.

And now we have to figure out how to move on, how to come to terms with yet another mass shooting in America. Sure, we have to address what it is that the shooter did so we can -- hopefully -- prevent future tragedies. And sure, we have to look into how he managed to do what he did for the sake of emergency response in the future lest, God forbid, this happens again.

But even as we do so, we also must be careful how we frame the conversation. We don't want to be salacious. We don't want to give the shooter rent in our heads. We don't want to risk making him some sort of martyr for other folks with sick thoughts.

After the last Fort Hood shooting, after Virginia Tech, after Sandy Hook, and so many others, the shooters' names and faces have been plastered across so many newspapers and websites. And each time it happens, a pit forms in my stomach. A portion of me wants to know, wants to understand, but the other part of me feels like their 15 minutes of fame is somehow unfair to the victims, somehow a win for the monsters instead of the good guys.

So today, I refuse to focus on the shooter. I'll let someone else do that.

Instead I will focus on what remains good and pure in this country -- heroes like this MP who heard the call of duty and went running right into the face of danger, heroes who put their lives on the line so that others could live.

They are why America is a place worth fighting and dying for, after all.

What was your first thought when you heard the news of another shooting at Fort Hood?

 

Image via Expert Infantry/Flickr

Marine Schools Protesters Dishonoring the Flag With Lesson in Patriotism

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

american flagsMy fellow Americans, a word? If you want to protest something -- anything -- you might want to leave the American flag out of it ... or at least be a little more respectful of Old Glory than a bunch of Albuquerque, New Mexico protesters were this week. Carting the flag upside down -- an official signal of distress -- the protesters were caught on video thumbing their noses at the national symbol.

But while their act of insolence may be disheartening, the bravery the disrespect for the flag inspired in an angry US Marine and another serviceman is a beautiful show of patriotism! Ready to see some patriotic butt kicking? Watch what these servicemen do when they take note of the disrespect for our country:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

What's truly puzzling is why the flag was being used at all. It almost seemed intended to incite people, as technically they were protesting against excessive force used by the police department rather than the American government.

Apparently there are some folks who have accused these two servicemen of "violating" the protesters' right to free speech, but quite frankly, I'm not buying it.

The protesters had free speech ... but freedom of speech does not mean protection from repercussions for what it is you say or do. The protesters made a bad choice in disrespecting the flag, and the result is they met up with people who did not like what they did.

It should also be pointed out that the Marine and the other serviceman did NOT hurt anyone. In fact, the protesters ran off (or drove off, if you want to get technical), dropping the flag on the ground (another act of desecration), but they were never harmed. They just got what was coming to them.

Put yourself in the servicemen's shoes. What would YOU have done?

 

Image via Anthony Quintano/Flickr

6 Cute Kid-Friendly Easter Crafts

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

bunny bookmarksSo the kids are on spring break, and you're wondering what the heck you're going to do with them day after day? Time to break out the crafts and get them busy! And what better way to pass their time off school away then by making bunnies and chicks for to help you decorate the house for Easter?

Yup, that's right, Easter's hopping our way, and thank goodness for crafty mom bloggers everywhere because your kids can turn Peeps into taste treats and wine corks into cute little chicks.

More From The Stir: How to Turn Easter Peeps Into a Crafty Centerpiece (VIDEO)

We've rounded up our favorite Easter DIY from the blogosphere, and good news -- every single one is kid-friendly! There's a lot to do before the bunny gets here, so let's get started!

How would your family make use of #5?

 

Image via That's What We Said

Anne Hathaway Shares How She Survived Being a Child Star With Reputation Intact

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Anne HathawayMaking the transition from child star to adult actress is not for the faint of heart. Many have tried, and many are still trying to pick up the pieces of their broken lives. But Anne Hathaway has always managed to stay above the fray. The 31-year-old was just a teenager when she took on the role of Princess Mia in Disney's The Princess Diaries, securing her place in the hearts of American children. And now she's back in yet another movie for children, Rio 2, which opens April 11.

The Stir caught up with Anne at the movie's world premiere in Miami, where she was celebrating the reprisal of her role as Jewel in the sequel to the popular animated film.

After finding love in the first Rio, Hathaway's character is now married with three kids, and the film follows the family on an epic adventure into the Amazon where their city kids learn to reconnect with nature and family.

We watched a 6-year-old wait patiently at the edge of the "blue" carpet (this is, after all, a movie about a family of blue macaws) just for a glimpse of "Princess Mia," and flush with delight at a wave from Hathaway herself. We had to ask -- how has she managed to maintain a reputation in Hollywood that allows American parents to feel comfortable when their kids watch her films.

On being a child star:

The pressure felt overwhelming when I was 18 and was much further away from knowing who I was and knew that I had to, as we all do, go on a journey of self discovery in order to figure out who I was. I was going to make mistakes and I was going to try things that I wouldn't necessarily recommend that children try. And so, I felt a great awareness that I must keep my private life private because I didn't want to have to justify everything to kids. I really, really felt strongly that I didn't want a kid to engage in destructive behavior because they might have seen me do it.

On being a role model to kids now:

Now that I'm a lot closer to a mommy age and I think I'm getting there, I think it's the greatest thing in the world. It's an honor to be a part of kids' cultural landscape. And if I've had a positive impact on someone, that's wonderful.

More From The Stir: Kristin Chenoweth On Her 'Glee' Future & Embracing Being Different

I'm just trying to live a life honestly and authentically, and that's the pressure I put on myself now. But I do love making films that are a part of not just childhood memories but family memories.

On HER favorite family memories:

I go to Cape May, New Jersey with my family, and it's really special. My grandmother fell in love with it when my mom was about 5. And so my mom spent all of her summers there and has friendships there from when she was 5, and then they grew up together and had kids.

And then, when I was a kid, I met them and so now I have lifelong friendships. And my mom's siblings, my aunts and my uncles, they always go down. And now they have kids who have kids. And so, we're just a tribe down in Cape May, and it's just so wonderful. And we ride our bikes around and we have barbecues.

I always try to make it there for at least a few days every year just to kind of reconnect with family. And I've gotten to go on some pretty sweet vacations in my life, but that one for family, that's a place that really feels like home.

On why the paparazzi can't mess with her family vacation:

Man, that's the best thing about Cape May: those are my people. They won't be in LA. Cape May is definitely going to be Team Hathaway on that vacation.

***

What is your favorite Anne Hathaway movie?

 

Image via Blue Sky Productions

Huge Car Seat Recall: Everything Moms Need to Know

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Parents, get ready to climb into the backseat of your cars, because we have a car seat recall on our hands. Popular manufacturer Evenflo is recalling 1.3 million convertible car seats and booster seats over a harness crotch buckle, which the company says "may become resistant to unlatching over time."

Worried your child is in danger of getting stuck in an unlatching car seat? Here's everything parents need to know about this recall:

evenflo recalled car seat1. The Evenflo recall includes seats made from 2011 through 2014. The buckle may become "resistant to unlatching," the company says, "due to exposure to various contaminants (like food and drinks) that are present in everyday use of the convertible car seat or harnessed booster by toddlers."

2. The recalled models are as follows: Momentum 65, Momentum 65 LX, and Momentum 65 DLX; Chase, Chase LX, and Chase Select; Chase LX and Chase DLX; Maestro and Maestro Performance; Symphony 65, Symphony 65 E3, Symphony LX, Symphony DLX, and Snugli All-in-One; Titan 65 and SureRide DLX; and Secure Kid LX, Secure Kid DLX, Secure Kid 100, Secure Kid 300, Secure Kid 400, and Snugli Booster.

3. The affected seats have model number prefixes of 306, 308, 310, 329, 345, 346, 371, or 385.

4. Evenflo has received no reports of injury, and the company says the seats meet all federal crash standards. The only issue is the buckle, and if your buckle is working, Evenflo says there is no reason to stop using the car seat while you wait for a remedy kit.

5. Remedy kits are available -- free of charge -- by calling 1-800-490-7591 between 8 a.m. (ET) and 5 p.m. Monday through Friday or visiting the Evenflo site. You can also clean the buckle yourself, using Evenflo's instructions.

Has your child ever become trapped in the car seat? What did you do to get them out?

 

Images via NHTSA Image Library (top) and Amazon (bottom)

 

Barbie Isn't Raising My Daughter, I Am

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

BarbieDear Barbie,

It's been another rough week for you, hasn't it? Somebody left your scantily clad body at the top of the stairs, and you had to be rescued from the slobbery jaws of the dog. And then to top it all off, a bunch of scientists came out with another dubious claim that you are destroying little girls' chances at making something of themselves one teeny weeny waist at a time.

In a study published in the journal Sex Roles, researchers Aurora M. Sherman and Eileen L. Zurbriggen have issued forth the brazen claim that you, oh plastic one, you are responsible for teaching girls that they have fewer career options than boys.

They based this assumption, dear Barbie -- or do your friends call you Babs? -- on interviews with 37 girls ages 4 through 7.

According to Sherman and Zurbriggen, "girls who played with Barbie indicated that they had fewer future career options than boys, whereas girls who played with Mrs. Potato Head reported a smaller difference between future possible careers for themselves as compared to boys."

More From The Stir: 7-Year-Old Girl’s Honest Reactions to 10 Barbies Will Shock the Doll’s Critics

That's some pretty heavy stuff to lay on your dainty shoulders. And they took it one step further by writing a piece over at The Guardian dubbed, "Girls can be anything when they grow up -- until they start playing with Barbie."

But don't worry, Barbie, this mom has got your scrawny back.

Granted, it hasn't always been this way. Once upon a time, the thought of you entering my house made my skin crawl, and quite frankly the only reason you are currently lying -- butt naked, hair fried to the point of no return -- in my hallway is because of my best friend and her "need" to provide her niece with a "full" childhood. Don't worry, she's about to have a baby, and there are plenty of noisy toys in her future.

But when you did show up in my house, all 11.5 inches of everything I thought was wrong with the way toys are marketed to little girls, I quickly realized something.

You didn't come with baggage to unpack in my daughter's head. That was all mine.

You were just a hunk of plastic (sorry, I said I had your back, not that I was going to sugar coat things). 

You didn't have the power to change my daughter's perspective on herself.

But I do.

I'm her mother. I tell her she's beautiful just the way she is, and I teach her to make healthy choices at suppertime. I encourage her to read, to think, to dream. I tell her she can be a fashion designer if she so desires (at least that's the current aspiration), but she can also be a doctor, a lawyer, the president.

That's my job, Barbie. That's what I signed up for when my husband and I decided that we would make a child.

It's not mine alone; my husband is responsible too. Study after study has -- in fact -- told us that present, active fathers actually help broaden girls' horizons and encourage them to think bigger, to dream more, not to be caught up in the notion that boys can achieve more. In short? Good dads help their daughters develop self-esteem.

That's his job.

And that's what these researchers, what most every missile fired from the feminist fold in your direction, gets wrong. I'm a pretty hardcore feminist mom trying to raise a girl with a healthy dose of self-confidence, but I don't blame you for girls not believing in themselves.

I blame society as a whole. I blame parents.

You can dress up in your astronaut outfit or your president's pantsuit, but either way, you are -- and you must remain -- just a doll to my little girl, just a way to pass the time. 

Oh, don't worry, that's not for your impossibly thin fingers to juggle. That's on me too, as I provide her with books and art supplies, with LEGOs and with science projects. It is a parent's job, not a toy's, to ensure a child gets rounded, balanced messages.

In fact, when researchers in England studied whether you were making girls want to be thin, they found your influence waned as girls got older, as they moved away from undressing you and abandoning you in bizarre places for moms to find. To me that indicates that you do not have some mystical hold on our girls. You are not the be all and end all ... but for a while anyway, we parents are.

So we aren't going to ban you, Barbie. We aren't even going to let the dog make off with your arm dangling from his snout.

We're just going to keep on parenting. Because that's our job. Not yours.

Signed,

A Mom Who Has Made Her Peace With Barbie

Do your children play with Barbies? How do you make peace with it?

 

Image via Tracheotomy Bob/Flickr

'Teen Mom 2' Recap: Leah Calvert and Corey Simms' Chemistry Is Undeniable

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Leah CalvertEver feel a sense of deja vu when you're watching Teen Mom 2? It's been years (literally) since Leah Calvert and Corey Simms got divorced, but on this week's episode we once again got sucked down the Leah/Corey shoulda, woulda, coulda rabbithole.

Yes, the one married reality stars with a set of twins are both divorced and remarried. And yes, Jeremy Calvert and Miranda Simms both seem like stand up folks. But when Leah and Corey start talking about how they probably could have stuck it out if they'd tried a little harder, it's hard not to just nod right along.

Which they did tonight. A lot.

As we've seen all season, things are not going too well for Jeremy and Leah. He's dropped the "divorce" word a few times, and she's spent a lot of time begging him to see a couples counselor. When he's around Corey, he acts stilted and strange, and he's uncomfortable with Leah getting texts from her ex.

You can't blame the guy for that. Corey DOES talk about the good old days an awful lot for a guy who is happily remarried, and to a woman who is supposedly happily remarried to boot.

More to the point, Leah does the same. Maybe it's MTV setting them up to have this conversation over and over, but the point is, they're having it. And it's hard to deny there's chemistry between these two!

It's almost too bad reality shows don't have those alternate reality sort of episodes where you could see what happens if they just took one different turn. It would be rather fun to see Leah and Corey's life, wouldn't it?

Of course it's not the Leah and Corey show. We still had plenty of other drama from the other girls.

Kailyn gave birth to baby Lincoln, and although she chose to keep the birth itself off camera, we did get to see Isaac meeting his little brother and insisting to Kail that Linc is not "her baby," he is "HIS baby." Somebody deserves a cutest big brother EVER shirt!

Speaking of babies, Chelsea finally was in the same room with Adam's new baby, Paislee, at Aubree's holiday pageant. The estranged parents managed to keep things civil for their daughter's sake, but Adam is continuing to act a fool with his baby mama. He's got a new cellphone, but he won't give Chelsea the number -- even though she pointed out she might need to get hold of him if there's an emergency with Aubree.

As for Jenelle, her boyfriend Nathan Griffith got arrested on alleged DUI tonight -- his THIRD. Meanwhile she has enrolled Jace in karate class in an attempt to help curb his bad behavior.

Put yourself in Jeremy's shoes. Do you think Leah and Corey are too close?

 

 

Image via MTV


'Rio 2' Gives Kids One Message Modern Parents Can Get Behind

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Rio2 If you're looking to get your kids to put down the gadgets and get back to nature, the last place you'd expect to get that message is inside a movie theater. But if there's one thing the new animated flick, Rio 2, really has going for it, it's a message that parents can get behind.

The follow-up to 2011's Rio, the movie that introduced kids to a blue macaw named Blue (played by Jesse Eisenberg) and his lady love, Jewel (played by Anne Hathaway), flies into theaters this weekend and brings with it a whole new cast of colorful characters. Brought together in the first film because they were the last of their species in existence, Jewel and Blue are now married with three kids, living a rather human-like existence in the city with their owners.

To the despair of the wild-raised Jewel, their kids listen to iPods and eat pancakes as the neurotic Blue tries to keep the last of his kind safe ... only Blue and Jewel are about to find out that they're not the only blue macaws left.

A section of the rain forest is filled with macaws who just so happen to be Jewel's family members and old boyfriend (hey, it's a movie!). Together with their kids, an odd assortment of feathered friends, and -- unbeknownst to them -- a ragtag group of stalking predators (played by the deliciously evil Jemaine Clement and Kristin Chenoweth), Jewel and Blue set off on an Amazonian adventure that takes them out of the city of Rio de Janeiro and straight into nature.

More From The Stir: Anne Hathaway Shares How She Survived Being a Child Star With Reputation Intact

You get where I'm going with this, don't you? This is a movie all about getting your kids' butts off the couch and back outside, about being one with nature and loving it.

In Miami for the film's world premiere a few weeks ago, I asked Rio 2 director (and co-writer) Carlos Saldanha if the film was a commentary on the state of today's kids, and the father of four laughed before 'fessing up:

"Look, sometimes I have to say I'm guilty of just giving the iPad on the plane or iPad in a restaurant; it's a very relatable thing," he said. "But there are some times that we just say turn off the TV, get off of the iPod. Come on, you have a beautiful beach outside. You have a beautiful place. You have outdoors. You have your backyard. Just go out there and play. Be kids, you know? You don't need it all the time.

"I think it's a message that is not only personal, but is also something that a lot of the parents will relate to it," he continued.

Indeed it's a message parents can't help but note in the film, but Saldanha is careful not to bash it over our heads, although that may be because he was too busy trying to fit in a lesson about protecting the rain forest in a sometimes over-loaded plot.

More From The Stir: Kristin Chenoweth On Her 'Glee' Future & Embracing Being Different

The film does present a few concerns for parents, among them a Romeo and Juliet-themed scene that makes light of suicide, but by and large, it's a fun romp with beautiful scenery that kids will love and parents won't hate.

Sergio Mendes' spicy Latin music -- and the introduction of Kristin Chenoweth's plucky poisoning tree frog Gabi -- are the true stars of the film. And if you find your kids dancing in the aisles, well, it's better than sitting on the couch.

What was your favorite part of the original Rio? Will you be taking the kids to see the sequel?

 

Image via Fox

10-Year-Old Saves Himself From Kidnapper With Gospel Songs (VIDEO)

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Willie MyrickStories about kidnapped kids may be some of the worst for parents to read, but an unusual tale out of Georgia will put a smile on your face. A brave 10-year-old boy is home safe and sound with his parents after saving himself from an abductor by singing. And Willie Myrick didn't just sing anything. He sang gospel songs ... for three hours.

Sound annoying? That's exactly what Willie's kidnapper must have thought.

The abductor kicked the little boy out of the car after a three-hour ordeal, telling him not to talk about what happened. Fortunately the little boy who proved smart enough to know how to save himself was also smart enough to tell his parents what happened, and Atlanta police are on the lookout for the suspect. 

Not a bad lesson for kids, is it?

Just because you're small doesn't mean you don't have tools at your disposal to best the big bad guys.

As much as we focus on teaching our children about preventing abductions, steering clear of the guy in the van with the free puppies or the neighbor who just seems a little "off," it behooves us to also teach them what to do if -- heaven forbid -- they're actually grabbed.

Not sure where to start with your kids? Telling them about Willie may be the perfect way to start the conversation!

The experts actually advise telling kids success stories about other kids who bested a kidnapping. They also suggest telling kids what they should do rather than focusing on what could go wrong (or what they shouldn't do). Usually that means telling them to find a way to get away, telling them to yell for help, and telling them to use their backpack or lunch bag (or whatever's handy) to protect themselves. But you might want to add "annoy the abductor into submission" to the list.

Hey, it worked for Willie! Check out this brave little guy:

What have you taught your kids to do in case of an abduction?

 

Image via 11 Alive

Kailyn Lowry Opens Up About Her Darkest Moments

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Kailyn LowryWhen America first met Kailyn Lowry, she was 17 and giving birth to a son on MTV's 16 & Pregnant. Then came a starring role on the network's hit series, Teen Mom 2. But the mother of two is entering a new era: prepare to meet Kailyn Lowry, best-selling author.

In Pride Over Pity, her highly anticipated memoir, Kailyn breaks away from the story line fans have seen unfold on MTV and dives into her troubled childhood. Nothing is too tough for her to talk about -- from her alcoholic mother to an abortion at just 15 to a brutal rape after the birth of her first child, Isaac.

Many of the stories are shocking, but what may be even more shocking is that the reality star has been able to keep them under wraps for so long. The Stir sat down with Kailyn to find out why she's opened up her closet and brought out so many skeletons.

The Stir: The book was quite the emotional rollercoaster. What made you decide to be so open?

It’s been quite the journey.

I had a lot of things built up; there are so many people who just don’t understand. They’ll tweet me and go on and on about stuff. They really don’t understand who I am and why I am the way I am. I want to just give them more insight on my life. I’m not just some cold-hearted bitch that people think I am. I’ve been through things that have changed me and molded me into who I am today.

You touch on some pretty heavy topics -- rape, abortion. How do you expect your son, Isaac, to handle it when he reads this book?

I’m hoping that he will take it into consideration when he’s a teenager and be like, you know, my mom went through this. I would never want to go through this myself; I’d never want to put a girlfriend through this. I hope that he makes better decisions than I did.

Pride Over Pity Kailyn Lowry A lot of this is new information. How were you able to keep some of this quiet with the tabloids always following you?

The abortion story, since 16 & Pregnant, I feared someone was going to sell me out at some point. That was one of my fears -- that someone was going to come out and try to sell it. I’m actually surprised that no one sold me out on that.

So you took ownership of it, being the one to bring it out?

Yeah. I wanted to be the one that could tell my story and my side of how everything went down before someone went and tried to make money off of it.

Did you do anything to prepare for this new attention you’re going to be getting? Maybe go for therapy?

You know, that’s so crazy you ask. Today I was thinking about it. I’ve always gone in and out of therapy. I would go. I would stop going when my schedule got busy. I think I need to make time for myself to go and do it. I think it could be really good for me; it’s really beneficial for everyone.

The rape is something you talk about, and that’s a really hard thing for any woman to talk about. What gave you the strength to talk about that?

I really just think that I’ve had so many demons, I guess you could call them, or skeletons in the closet, that I kind of wanted to get off my chest and not think about it.

The book and writing about them gave me the ability to write them down and just not think about them anymore. I told somebody -- the book was just therapy for me. Literally there are things in the book that I do not think about anymore. I didn’t forget about them, but they're not on my mind every day. You know, like there’s a task you always have to do and it’s always in the back of your mind, I know I have to do this. It’s kind of like that, where I have these things in the back of my mind and writing them down got them off my chest completely.

Do you think this book will change the way people look at Teen Mom stars in general?

I hope so. I hope people think about it twice before they say something about us. They know what they see in TV, but they don’t know what happened before the show was around or they don’t know what goes through our minds when the cameras stop rolling or when they take a break.

I’m hoping this changes the perspective of some people at least.

You’ve talked about how you did Teen Mom because you were able to talk about being a teen mother and make a difference. What’s the advantage to being a Teen Mom star & being able to put out this book?

I just feel like it’s a wider audience there, so maybe people who don’t watch the show will pick up the book and be like, OK, there’s actually some substance here, there’s a message. I hope they take away the right message.

We’ll see if that actually works out.

You didn’t talk much about actually filming in Pride Over Pity. Was that a conscious decision?

I didn’t really want my book to be around Teen Mom. When I go out in public, people are like, oh, are you Teen Mom? There’s more to me than just Teen Mom. There’s more to me than just what is on the show. I kind of wanted to give some history behind who I am and why I am who I am today.

What has been the best response you’ve gotten to Pride Over Pity?

This past week people have said they’ve picked up my book and haven’t put it down. The one girl said that her mom was an alcoholic and she went through a very similar situation. It makes me feel good that I’m not the only one that has gone through some of these things.

People that I’m friends with -- at least that I know -- haven’t gone through this, so they don’t understand. I can’t go and talk to them about it. So people who relate to me, I feel like we can empower and lift each other up.

Has your mother responded?

My mom texted me and she said she read my book and that she doesn’t want me to deny the good times that we had. I don’t. We did have some good times growing up.

She didn’t deny anything that I wrote in there. She didn’t try to deny anything that I had written or that she didn’t agree with. She just said that we did have good times, which we did.

But when you grow up the way I did, the worst memories stick out more than the good ones.

Do you have any advice for people who have dealt with crappy moms?

I guess take it and use it as an example of what you don’t want to be. Do everything better. My mom taught me the mom I don’t want to be, so I try to do everything that she didn’t do.

You don’t have to be a product of your environment. You can kind of figure it out on your own and be your own person.

Were you surprised no one sold Kailyn out before?

 

Images via Jeanne Sager; Post Hill Press

Newsstands Refuse to Carry Magazine With Breastfeeding Mom on Cover (PHOTOS)

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Hip Mama MagazineHere we go again, America. Another magazine has put a breastfeeding mom on its cover, only to face controversy. Hip Mama magazine opted to feature a self-portrait by Barcelona-based artist Ana Alvarez-Errecalde on the cover of its May issue. In the photo, Alvarez-Errecalde is seen with a Spider-Man mask on her face, breastfeeding her 4-year-old, who is also clad in Spider-Man garb.

Cute mother and son shot? Hip Mama editor Ariel Gore thought it was gorgeous, and she posted the cover to Facebook to let readers know the issue would hit newsstands next month. That’s when the trouble started. Vendors told Gore not to send the magazine; they wouldn’t put it on newsstands. Then Facebook banned the image.

So what’s a magazine about motherhood to do when vendors have a problem with moms? The Stir asked Gore how Hip Mama is handling the controversy.

According to Gore, her daughter and Hip Mama’s art director, Maia Swift, found Ana Alvarez-Errecalde and “reached out to her so we could feature her in Hip Mama as an artist who is doing beautiful work in terms of self-directed and radical images of motherhood.” The photo seemed appropriate for an issue on motherhood and creativity, and it’s paired with an interview with Ana inside the magazine:

Hip Mama Magazine Breastfeeding Cover

Putting the photo on Facebook just made sense, Gore said.

“It's an amazing issue on motherhood and creativity and I just wanted people to know about it. Of course I think the cover photo is gorgeous, too, so I wanted to show that off. It honestly didn't occur to me that it would be a problem for anyone,” she explained. “I know what Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus look like naked -- and I know they're adult women with every right to represent themselves as they please -- but I think of them as children and it bugs me a little to see them naked, but I mind my own business. It doesn't bug me at all to see another mother breastfeeding her child in a self-directed image that isn't exploiting anyone. It didn't occur to me that anyone would raise an eyebrow. I figured that if anyone didn't like breasts, they would, as I do when I see images I don't care for, mind their own business.”

But people didn’t mind their own business. Hip Mama’s distributor said they wouldn’t be able to distribute the magazine to half of their customers unless they changed their cover. Gore had to make a choice -- stand firm or bow to the breastfeeding censors. It wasn’t an easy one to make.

“My first reaction was -- who needs vendors who can't handle a breastfeeding image?” she explains. “But after talking to the artist, Ana, and our other contributors -- people wanted the issue out there. Many of our contributors are young moms, moms of color, queer moms; they're marginalized and it means a lot to them that their work gets out to a wide audience in Hip Mama.”

It was the artist, Alvarez-Errecalde, who suggested highlighting the censorship on the cover. She suggested a dot to cover the “offending” breasts, moving their cover line “No Supermoms Here” onto the dot to draw attention to the message.

“I thought that was witty, but I didn't want to censor subscriber copies,” Gore said. “So we decided to use the censorship dot just on the newsstand copies of the magazine. I have no idea if the concerned vendors will carry the magazine with the censorship dot, but I wasn't willing to go so far as to replace the cover.

"Truly sexist marketing images of naked women are all over the place and marketers don't seem the least bit concerned about what the children will think. We've all seen extremely young celebrities naked and sexualized. So why are the breasts suddenly an issue in a self-directed self-portrait of a mother lovingly feeding her child?”

Hip Mama Magazine Breastfeeding Cover Censored

Whether vendors carry the new image (above) or not, Gore said she’s buoyed by the support Hip Mama has gotten after the censorship of the breastfeeding mother has gone public.

“When I mentioned the vendor controversy, again on my Facebook page, people went ballistic. The image was shared over 100 times,” she said. “That's when Facebook decided to censor it, too, and pulled the cover from many people's timelines. I understand that breastfeeding images are supposed to be allowed on Facebook, but they didn't pull a 1976 Cosmo cover showing nipple that I had posted for a comparison, so I am left to understand that it is the open breastfeeding, and not the nudity, that Facebook is taking issue with.”

Hip Mama has updated its own story with Ana to reflect the controversy too, and it’s Ana who Gore said really got to the heart of this:

“As Ana points out in the updated interview in the magazine, right now this is about an image of an artist breastfeeding on the cover of a magazine, but moms face this every day when they try to feed their children in restaurants or on airplanes or in other public places -- they are asked to go into seclusion to feed their kids. This, again, while truly offensive images are in our face daily in the name of 'sex sells.'"

What do you think of Hip Mama's magazine cover? Would you be "offended" to see it on newsstands?

 

Images via Hip Mama

Couple Who Planned to Let Internet Name Their Baby Make the Smart Choice

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

baby girlSometimes it feels like every time you turn around, there's another set of parents set on ruining their child's life just to be cool. But have heart, there's good news in crazy land! Remember the parents who decided to let the Internet name their baby girl, even setting up a website, NameMyDaughter.com, where folks could enter their favorite monikers?

The couple's little girl is here! And guess what they named her!

Amelia Savannah Joy McLaughlin.

Which is not what the Internet suggested. Turns out Cthulhu All-Spark was the winning name, but the Canadian couple decided to go with giving their daughter a normal life instead of being those cool parents who let the Internet name their kid.

Who just breathed a giant sigh of relief? Welcome to the club -- it's full of normal parents who have a lick of common sense.

Granted, this couple said from the start that they'd have the final say, so we always held out hope for a happy ending. As dad Stephen put it on his site:

Unfortunately internet I know better than to trust you. We will ultimately be making the final decision, Alas my daughter shall not be named WackyTaco692. Sorry guys the wife wouldn't go for a free for all.

But we've seen couples go to some absurd lengths to be "cool," at the cost of their child's happiness (see also: Game of Thrones baby trend). There was always the risk that these parents would do what the Internet hoped they'd do ... and this poor kid would be saddled with a ridiculous name for the rest of her life (or until she hit adulthood and pulled together the funds to make a name change).

The Internet has proven a dangerous animal for parents. On the one hand, there is certainly a reason to turn to the interwebs when it comes time to name a baby. Like a baby name book on steroids, it's where you can find ideas for awesome winter-themed names or lovely wine-themed names (yes, really, oenophiles, your day has been made).

And crowd sourcing on the Internet can be a godsend for parents who are looking not just to name a baby, but to find other parents who can give them tips on struggles from how to get that breastfed baby to finally take a bottle to how to actually have that natural birth in the hospital.

The Internet has taken much of the loneliness out of parenthood. That's a good thing! We need to stick together to raise kids in this global village.

On the other hand, the Internet has also given parents room to abdicate their important role as their children's, well, parents!

From letting the Internet name their baby to letting their kids loose on the Internet to learn about the facts of life from strangers instead of dear old Mom and Dad, too many parents are forgetting that childhood is fleeting. We only get 18 years with these kids -- give or take -- and it's up to us to make sure they count, that we really put in the hard work and make the best choices for our kids.

So, by all means, turn to the Internet for help as a parent. Ask for naming ideas or suggestions on great bottle nipples. But at the end of the day, remember, as this couple did, who your child depends on. It's not the Internet.

What do you make of this whole "name my baby" trend? Do you crowd source for parenting advice on the Internet?

 

Image via danibabil08/Flickr

Starting Baby on Solid Foods: What You Need to Know

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Complete Guide to Feeding Baby Solid FoodEver notice that you've just gotten a baby into a routine when everything changes? Welcome to parenthood, where nothing stays the same for more than a minute (OK, maybe two!). That includes your baby's eating routine.

You've just got breastfeeding or bottle-feeding down to a science, and now it's time to start baby on solid foods. But when do you actually start baby on solids? And what should they eat? Is it fruits before veggies? Veggies before fruits? And what is this cereal everyone is talking about?

Your answer is here!

When to start:

This is the big question; isn't it? When to start? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that moms breastfeed for the first 6 months of life, but they also suggest babies begin eating solids some time around 6 months

So when, exactly, should you start?

"Most babies can start 'solids' between 4 to 6 months, depending on their readiness," says Danielle Fatemi, a pediatric dietitian with the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. "If your baby was born premature (less than 37 weeks at birth), you should wait until he or she is 4 to 6 months corrected age before introducing solid foods."

Is baby ready?

Most babies will actually tell us when they're ready to start solid foods, according to Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson, pediatrician at Seattle Children's Hospital and author of Mama Doc Medicine: Finding Calm and Confidence in Parenting, Child Health, and Work-Life Balance. But what should you be looking for?

"Lip smacking, watching parents eat, licking the air at meals, and having the ability to keep their head up beautifully and consistently and also being able to sit up for short periods of time," says Dr. Swanson.

"It's not recommended to ever start solids before age 4 months. And if your baby is growing well, exclusively breastfeeding, and not showing interest, there is certainly no rush!" she adds. "I love to encourage moms to really follow their baby and use baby-led feeding advances."

How to get started if you're formula feeding:

Formula-fed babies have different solid food needs from those who are breastfed, says Jill Castle, childhood nutrition expert and co-author of Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters From High Chair to High School.

"Currently, the AAP supports either iron-fortified baby cereal or baby meat as a good first food for breastfed babies," Castle explains. "Babies who are formula-fed with iron-fortified formula don't have the critical need for iron sources from solid food because they get it in their formula."

So how do you start a formula-fed baby on solids? Here's Castle's step-by-step approach:

1. Begin with one feeding a day of thin, liquidy cereal, fruit, veggie, or meat (just a step up from formula or breast milk -- use b-milk or formula to thin the solid food).

2. After a few days, add another feeding session and gradually up the texture (less liquid to the solid food).

2. Add a third feeding session -- these can be spaced out like meals. The solid food feeding sessions can be offered between normal bottle feedings -- they will be for exposure and learning rather than nutrition in the early days.

4. Mom will gradually offer more food at meal times as baby gets more accustomed to eating -- this happens fairly quickly; it doesn't take baby very long to enjoy baby food.

How to get started if you're breastfeeding:

Life may be different for a formula-feeding mom and a breastfeeding mom in many ways, but not when it comes to solid food, says Fatemi. 

"The guidelines are the same, with the exception of vitamin D supplementation and iron requirements," she explains. "By 1 week of life, exclusively breastfed infants should receive a vitamin D supplement of 400 IU per day (formula-fed babies can meet their vitamin D needs with formula). The [AAP] recommends that an iron supplement be started at 4 months for exclusively breastfed babies and continued until iron fortified solid foods are introduced."

What should baby eat first?

Your mom or your grandmother may have read you the riot act about feeding fruits before veggies or veggies before fruits, or maybe she's been pushing cereal before "real" food, but that's the old way of thinking, says Dr. Swanson.

"Although having foods rich in iron can be a priority for breastfed babies, there is no magic first food," Swanson explains. "Parents can start solid baby foods slowly and with whatever food they'd like! Most important is to ensure the consistency of first attempts are really liquid-like."

When to move past liquid foods and on to the "real" stuff

Making baby food can be time-consuming, and the cost of buying those little jars will weigh on you, but it doesn't last forever.

According to Castle, "By 8 to 10 months, mom [can] start to offer some table foods and start to get away from baby foods."

Castle recommends mashed banana or potato, avocado, small diced and soft-cooked veggies, soft fruit, and breads with spreads.

"The most important thing to remember is that baby sets the pace," she tells parents. "There's a lot of trial and error; baby food should only last a couple of months (four months tops) and move to family food gradually but try to be there by a year of age (with accommodations made based on feeding skills)."

Is your baby on solid food? How did you make the transition?

 

Image via Elsa Dunkel/Lumi Images/Corbis

'Glee' Recap: Sue Sylvester Finds Love in a Hopeless Place

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

Glee Opening NightGlee has had its fair share of strange story lines over the years. Remember the trippy "unaired" Christmas special? Enough said. But throwing a Sue Sylvester love angle slam bang into the middle of Rachel Berry's opening night on Broadway took Gleeks to a whole new level of weird.

And by weird, we're talking about Sue Sylvester having sex in Kurt and Rachel's apartment. With a man. Who she just met.

Gross? A little, but if anything, tonight we met a new sadder side of Sue Sylvester.

So who's the lucky guy to introduce us to the new Sue?

Chris Parnell, aka Mario, aka a restaurateur who got tickets to Funny Girl only to walk out in the first act, at just about the same time Sue climbed over a New York Times critic to make her own escape. The two bonded over their mutual disdain for Rachel's singing, and McKinley's previously asexual principal landed herself a dinner date at Mario's restaurant, with the owner himself cooking up the eats.

It's not so much that Sue falling in love was strange -- although, let's be honest, this is the woman who once married herself because no other human being on earth would do it for her -- as the storyline came out of left field. The episode was dubbed Opening Night and supposed to be focused on Rachel Berry's debut as Fanny Brice. The principal characters all gathered in New York -- even Santana was there, and Mr. Schue showed up (only to have to hightail it back to Lima for the birth of his child -- a boy, Daniel Finn) -- to pat Rachel on the back and support her.

Then there's Sue ... who has no interest in supporting Rachel or Funny Girl or really anything other than making us laugh. Granted, Sue's comic relief is always welcome on Glee, and her comparison between the smell of New York City and an adult diaper, well, have you ever been in certain subway stations?

But what was it doing in this episode? Why did they haul Sue in, make her all human-like and sappy, only to ship her back to Lima because, as it turns out, you can take the girl out of Ohio but only temporary?

Maybe to remind us that while the kids from Lima take on the world, the people who helped shape them are still back home, still keeping keeping on?

It was hard not to feel sad for Sue. She gets to New York with her sarcastic wit in tow, only to find out she's not as untouchable as she acts. Turns out Sue Sylvester is a regular old human being who falls in love and has her heart broken ... and Rachel Berry is a superwoman!

What did you make of the Sue love story? Did she make you laugh or make you cry?

 

Image via Tyler Golden/FOX


Breastfeeding Mom Shamed for Nursing 9-Week-Old ... in Private

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

breastfeeding babyAnother day. Another breastfeeding mom turning to the media after being shamed for nursing her child without a cover. But Andrea Zeledon-Mussio's story is putting a whole new spin on what it means to "nurse in public."

The mother of two wasn't breastfeeding in a store or a park when she was hassled by a Long Island cop. She wasn't whipping out a breast in front of strangers.

In fact, this mom was doing what countless breastfeeding mothers do every day -- just so they aren't hassled by prudes.

Zeledon-Mussio was in her own car! Parked in front of the police station in Wading River, New York, the mom of a 12-year-old and a 9-week-old claims she was approached by a cop who told her several times that she needed to cover up. She did -- albeit reluctantly -- but she says she's speaking out now because she wants to make sure other folks know public breastfeeding isn't illegal in New York State.

But here's the thing, she wasn't breastfeeding in public. She was in the privacy of her own car.

We've heard of moms being hassled for nursing in public. But now they can't even nurse in private without being bothered?

It's troubling any time a breastfeeding mother is harassed for doing what it is her body is made to do -- let's just get that out of the way. But it's particularly upsetting when a mom goes and hides out ... and still can't catch a break.

How many times have you been in an online forum about breastfeeding only to see a troll suggesting a mother COULD go hide in a bathroom or in her car to nurse so the rest of the world "doesn't have to see it"? It's antiquated thinking -- it's true -- but even the trolls seem to get that moms need SOMEWHERE to breastfeed.

But then we face the reality that even in your own car, you can be hassled for breastfeeding your hungry child.

More From The Stir: Newsstands Refuse to Carry Magazine With Breastfeeding Mom on Cover (PHOTOS)

Which begs the question -- what is left for mothers? Where, exactly, is society going to let us nurse in peace? At home? Barefoot? With one hand stirring a pot of sauce?

Because that's really the root of this, isn't it? The folks who express horror and shock at a breastfeeding mother will try to tell you it's sexual and oh dearie me, think of the children, but at the end of the day, we all know there's nothing sexual about a small child eating their lunch.

No, the real issue here is that moms -- nursing moms, working moms, moms who walk, talk, and dare to breathe the rarefied air of everyone else -- are still often treated like second-class citizens. We are expected to be seen and not heard, to keep our mommyhood to ourselves ... and God forbid our kids squawk in the grocery store or get hungry and want some lunch while we're out of the house. 

The fight for the right to breastfeed in public -- or heck, in private! -- isn't just about a baby's right to eat on demand. It's a fight for moms to be recognized not just as mothers, but as human beings, as people who should be allowed to come out in the light and enjoy a regular, everyday existence ... even with kids in tow. We shouldn't be made to feel like we have to hide out at home lest someone, somewhere, take issue with us or our kids.

So the next time someone hassles you for breastfeeding, might we suggest you remind them it's not only illegal to bother you, but ask if it would be OK for you to ask THEM to stay locked at home all day just so the world isn't inconvenienced by seeing them?

Have you ever been hassled for nursing your baby? Where were you?

 

Image via Owen Franken/Corbis

20 Signs You're Raising a Military Kid

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

military familySome people raise kids in the city. Some people raise kids in the country. And then there are the moms and dads who are raising kids in the military.

Don't see the difference? Then you're obviously not a military mom! Military kids are like other American kids in many ways -- but they tend to move a lot more, have siblings born in far-flung places, and the language they speak is one that's all their own.

Just ask a mom raising her kid in the service, and you'll hear a long list of signs her kids are "different." But don't take our word for it -- The Stir asked military moms for the telltale signs that they're raising military kids ...

1. Your son wants a high and tight just like Daddy.

2. You have to tell your kids that guy in uniform isn't Daddy because they are all Daddy to them.

3. Every one of your kids was born in a different state (and sometimes a different country!).

4. You organize your family scrapbooks by location instead of date.

5. When one of your kids' friends go on vacation, they ask if their friend is moving to another base.

6. You get a call from your third grader's teacher wanting to speak with you because, during a game of hide and seek, your child had five classmates zip-tied and hooded in less than three minutes.

7. Your 3-year-old already knows how to use Skype.

8. You have to explain why your child has two nationalities.

9. Your child calls her gym shorts and tennis shoes "PT gear."

10. You plan pregnancies around deployments.

11. Your kids pause when they're asked where they're "from."

12. Your son has told people he's "from the Air Force." (Or Navy, or Army, or ...)

More From The Stir: 30 Telltale Signs You're a Military Wife

13. All your kids' Social Security numbers start with different numbers.

14. Your 3-year-old has lived in four states and your 3-month-old has lived in two.

15. Punishing the kids consists of making them roll the towels and have their clothes organized.

16. Your husband watches his baby being born, but he's not actually in the room ... or the country!

17. Your kids pledge the flag before a movie.

18. Your kids can shout out the name of every aircraft they see.

19. Your 6-year-old tells the dog to "stand down."

20. Your kids ask, "Is it time to go to a new house yet?"

Raising military kids? What's your "you know you've got military kids when ..." moment?

 

Image via DVIDSHUB/Flickr

Huge Baby Monitor Recall: Everything Parents Need to Know

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

recalled baby monitorParents tend to buy baby monitors to set their anxieties at ease when they have an infant in the house. But owners of some 800,000 video baby monitors got some bad news this week. Manufacturer Summer Infant is recalling the batteries in more than half a million video baby monitors due to a serious burn hazard. 

According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, the battery in the handheld monitors can overheat and rupture. Overheating of the rechargeable batteries has been linked to incidents of property damage and smoke in baby nurseries. Have this monitor in your baby's room? Here's what you need to know:

1. Summer Infant warns if the batteries overheat, they represent a burn hazard, so the battery should be removed immediately. You can continue using the monitor, however -- the company recommends using the AC power cord.

2. The batteries are in various monitors, including: Baby Touch®, Baby Touch® Plus, Best View®, Best View® Choice, Complete Coverage®, Dual Coverage™, MultiView™, Peek® Plus, Private Label Baby Sight, Safe Sight™, Secure Sight®, Sleek & Secure®, Slim & Secure®, Slim & Secure® Plus, and Slim & Secure® Plus Power Pack.

3. To see if your battery is affected, check the serial number on the battery itself. The following numbers are part of the recall: S/N: JNN-S150A, S/N:JNS150-BA, S/N:JNS150A, S/N: JNN-S150B, S/N:JNS150-BB, S/N: JNN-S150C, and S/N:JNS150-BC.

4. The recalled monitors were sold at various stores in the US from about February 2010 through 2012 at a cost of anywhere from $150 to $350.

5. Summer Infant has had 22 reports of smoke or property damage caused by the battery overheating, but the Consumer Product Safety Commission is still accepting reports about the product.

6. If you want to use your monitor with a battery, Summer Infant will send you a replacement. Fill out their replacement request form on their website, or call 1-800-426-8627. The company will also provide you with a postage-paid envelope to return the hazardous battery, and they will dispose of it for you.

What kind of monitor are you using in your baby's nursery?

 

Image via Consumer Product Safety Commission

America's Strangest Baby Name Is Impossible to Pronounce

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

alphabet soupWell, America, the votes are in. You may think you've met the kid with the weirdest name in the nation, but chances are you haven't. That is unless you know one of the five children named Zzyzx?

No, that's not a typo. There are five kids in America carrying the unfortunate moniker Zzyzx, and a vote on bizarre baby names over at ebabynames just put theirs at the top of the weirdest list.

We know exactly what you're thinking. How does one pronounce that name?

Technically, it seems parents intend for their children to be called "Zay-Zix."

But that's the key, isn't it? What parents intend people to do with their child's name versus what really happens?

We can debate all day about whether or not strange baby names will make kids a target of bullying or if they're just going to be bullied because kids are cruel. But what's not up for debate is the problem that kids face when their parents create names that are hard -- if not impossible -- to pronounce.

They are dooming their kids to a lifetime of this:

John? Here.

Michael? Here.

Zuh. Zay. Zzzz. Mumble. Mumble. I'm sorry, but I can't pronounce this. Anyone with a name starting with Z? Sigh ... here.

In school. At the doctor's office. On the Starbucks line. And worse ... at job interviews.

More From The Stir: Couple Who Planned to Let Internet Name Their Baby Make the Smart Choice

In this drive to be unique, parents seem to be forgetting the utility factor when it comes to baby naming.

Just look at the name that took the number 10 spot in ebabynames' weirdest vote: Mc. Is it pronounced Em-cee? Mick? Mike? Mac?

Kids need to be able to use this name. OTHER PEOPLE need to be able to use this name. Throwing down a pile of consonants on the birth certificate is essentially useless. Sure, it's a name, but it's not one that people can actually say.

So let's just add this to the list of best baby naming practices: write the name down. Ask other people to read it out loud. If they stumble over the pronunciation, you might as well just move it to the bottom of your list. You've got a kid to name ... not a statement to make.

What's the craziest baby name you've seen over the years? How was it pronounced?

 

Image via Marie Buyens/Flickr

Hitting and Biting in Toddlers: How to Handle It

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Post by Jeanne Sager.

How to Handle an Aggressive ToddlerMaybe it's a daycare provider. Maybe it's a preschool teacher. Either way it's the call every parent dreads. You know the one we're talking about -- the call during which you find out your kid is the biter. Or the hitter.

Aggressive behavior is common in the toddler stage, but that doesn't make it any easier on parents who are struggling to figure out why their sweet-natured tot has turned into a holy terror. What do you do when your child is hitting and biting? Help is on the way!

Why is my child acting out?

Various studies over the years have tried to get to the root of aggression in toddlers. Is it nature or nurture? Scientists have found a genetic component, but that's not to say you're to blame. Kids act out for a variety of reasons.

"Toddlers often act out with aggressive behavior because they are frustrated," says Dr. Dyan Hes, the founding doctor at New York City's Gramercy Pediatrics. The issue is often tied in with development -- a child who isn't yet verbal may hit, bite, or throw things.

"Most toddlers cannot express what their needs are with words," she explains. "For example, he cannot say, 'I want that toy please.'"

Other kids may be verbal and able to express themselves, but they're trying to get our attention.

"If he hits, you pay attention," explains child development and behavior specialist Betsy Brown Braun, author of Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents. "Perhaps you have not been spending enough time with him -- REAL time, not just the business-of-daily-life time. His bucket is empty, but he KNOWS he’ll get your attention if he does the forbidden. Negative attention. Positive attention. It’s all attention."

How should I respond?

Parents may be ready to fight fire with fire, but the experts advise against biting your biter or getting angry.

"That will just teach the child that biting is acceptable, just like a child who is spanked usually will hit their peers," warns Dr. Hes. "It is a learned behavior!"

Instead she suggests telling a child that their behavior is not OK and removing them from the situation. Kids should be taken out of the room -- if possible -- and given a break to calm down, but they shouldn't be rewarded with special attention

"When the toddler does not get a rise out of you, the adult, the aggressive behavior lessens," Dr. Hes says.

Consistency is also the key, making sure the child always receives the message that the aggressive behavior is not acceptable.

"Parents need to shadow children who tend to be aggressive," Brown Braun suggests. "If you have a hitter or a biter on your hands, for your child’s sake and the sake of the potential victims, you need to be right there -- no chatting with the other parents. And you must respond to the behavior every time. Do not turn your head and ignore it, praying it will go away. It won’t!"

How can I help my child?

If you have an aggressive toddler, disciplining them is only the first step. They have to be taught how to act appropriately, substituting good behavior for hitting or biting.

"Children need to be given an emotional vocabulary starting very young," says Brown Braun, "'Oh, you are so frustrated that Mr. Bear doesn’t fit in the truck!' 'You are really angry. Mad! Mad! Mad!'

"When a child has a name for the feeling he is having, then he can express it, tell you about it, and get it out appropriately. You then can help him to learn what he CAN do -- [it] makes no sense to keep say what the child CAN’T do (hit, bite, shove) without saying what he CAN do."

How can I prevent the behavior?

There is no magic pill to get kids to behave, but parents who pay attention to their kids will likely being to notice patterns and possible triggers. Tired, hungry, overwhelmed kids are more likely to act out, and you need to plan accordingly. Don't take your toddler who desperately needs a nap out grocery shopping and expect them to be on their best behavior.

That said, not all triggering situations can be avoided; nor should they be, says Brown Braun. "He needs to be in those situations in order to learn the acceptable behavior," she explains. "He needs experience; it takes practice and trial/error."

Kids also need to know that they can get your attention without acting out. Watching your toddler like a hawk isn't just about catching them acting out. It's also a way to teach them about positive reinforcement.

"When you see the child NOT being aggressive, you need to jump in and praise the child," Brown Braun says. "'You used your words with Jeremy, and it worked. He gave you back your car.' Catch him doing the right thing."

And while you're at it, model good behavior. We are our children's first teachers, after all. If you interact calmly and peacefully with your toddler, they're learning to do the same with you and their playmates.

What do you do when your toddler acts out?

 

 

Image via Marc Fluri/Corbis

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